is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
