if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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