Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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