Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
