I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
