9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
