Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His nipple licking is glorious
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