One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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