I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
