I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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