she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
