The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
