He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
