if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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