i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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