I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
