Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
