i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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