remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
