fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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