I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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