They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
