Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
