Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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