The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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