Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Farmville is her only friend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You did what with his pubic hair?
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