Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
