and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
