Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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