Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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