Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
