New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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