I heard we made out
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
