just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
