I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
