Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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