I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
