We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
