my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
