She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
