i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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