So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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