i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
