maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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