Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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