She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
