Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my poor anus
my liver is dry heaving
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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