I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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