And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
