I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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