I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My breasts were aching with rage.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
