My room smells like vodka and shame
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
