I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
