why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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