He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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