Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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