apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
